I have been reading the excellent book Mrs D Is Going Without by Lotta Dann, it really is an fantastic read and a must-have for any ‘quit-lit’ enthusiasts.
In one of the chapters Lotta explains how she had an awakening when she realised that her drinking problem was a way of suppressing her emotions, in other words a way of coping with past and current traumas and events by blotting it out with booze.
When I started drinking in my late teens it was because I believed it was fun, also, all my friends were doing it so I guess there was an element of peer pressure as well. But there was no way it was anything to do with emotions, well I didn’t think there was.
But as the years rolled by, I can see how I probably was using alcohol as a way of blurring out the shitty things from my life. I run a business with 25 staff which has its fair share of stressful moments, I also have a teenage son (these come with their own set of challenges), combine this with the usual rigours of day to day life and I can see how my habit morphed into a coping tool and a way of suppressing emotions (mainly stressful and anxious ones).
So now I am nearly three months free of alcohol I am seeing the real me, the raw me and discovering life with real emotions, this has been an interesting journey.
I have felt what it is like to be truly happy and at peace most of the time, my anxiety has cleared, but I have also had times where I have felt sad, angry and even a little grumpy – but none of it with a whirlwind of wine washing around my brain.
It feels good, this is how I am meant to be, this is how I am meant to feel and even when the emotions aren’t positive ones, I know they are true and I now feel equipped and grounded enough to cope and get through.
As time goes by on the sober journey the emotions level out and there are much fewer ups and downs, but during the first few months it can be a bit of a rollercoaster, I think it is important to be aware of this in order to be ready for any emotional bumps along the way.
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